I’m in a bad way, mentally. So much so, I’ve broken out in a rash all over, which has triggered my OCD. In all honesty, I’ve been questioning whether I should continue bothering to try and get well at all. It would be so much easier to just give up and end it all. They’re the kind of dark thoughts ruminating through my mind at the moment. I’m feeling incredibly alone and abandoned by someone I believed loved me. I’ve realized they were only using me to quell their own loneliness, with no regard for how it affected me. He was the man by all others were measured. Now, I just feel foolish and duped.
My heart feels broken and aches for the moments I was in his arms, even if they were false. My anxiety is through the roof. My OCD is out of control. And my mood, agonizingly low. I don’t know how to fix any of it. I’ve taken some Seroquel and done my best not to just take them all like my brain is screaming at me to do. I just need to get away. I can’t wait for Monday when I leave to go on holiday. Being by the water always calms me. Until then, I just need to be honest with the people around me and to tell them I’m feeling in a really dark place and need their support.