I had the most amazing massage while I was in hospital. There’s a girl who comes every Wednesday and Thursday who provides massage and for the first time in my four visits to hospital, I finally took the opportunity to have one and wow, was she worth the wait. She greased me up like a Scotsman and cracked my back which felt amazing. She was a solid chick so she had some weight behind her which felt amazing. To be honest, I think it was my first real proper massage that didn’t come from someone in a shopping mall or that lasted more than ten minutes. I’m trying to practice more self care, so a massage after a day of ECT was a great start. The ECT can give you a sore jaw and neck, and so she focussed on those areas and I felt so much better afterwards. I’m going to try and do one nice thing a week for myself self care wise. If that means going to the hairdresser, just for a wash and blow wave, I’m going to do it. Or go for a massage or to get my nails done, just something that is an investment in me and something I won’t feel guilty about. I usually have buyers remorse when I do anything nice for myself. I get a major case of the guilts and feel really badly about it. But I’m starting to realize it’s an investment in myself and I’m worthy of said investment, even if it feels indulgent. Tomorrow after ECT, I’m going to get a jaw & neck massage at the local shopping centre massage joint. I might even get my hair washed and blow waved, depending on how well I feel. Sometimes after ECT, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, other times I pull up quite well. It’s more the general anesthetic that puts me on my ass, I think. I’ve never been great with them, but I make sure they give me an antiemetic with it to stop me from feeling sick afterwards otherwise I’m a total puker.
It feels weird to be at home again, holed up in my room. Admittedly earlier today, my best mate came and got me and took me out for lunch. I didn’t care so much for my Satay Chicken and Noodles, but he enjoyed his lunch and I guess the point is that I left the house which is an achievement for me. I tried to pike but he wouldn’t take no for an answer and said he was coming to get me regardless of how many times I said I wasn’t up for it. I even tried telling him I was supposed to fast from midday today, but he totally called me out on it and said he knew it was midnight I was supposed to fast from. He knows all my piking tricks. I’m glad I went though. It got me out of the house, regardless of how shitty the weather was, it was good for me to be out. It gave me a reason to get dressed and do my hair like, you know, normal people do. Gotta take the small victories where you can.
Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 7am, so I’m going to try and have an early night tonight. Hooray for days you can leave the house in slippers!