I felt fine after I went to lunch. Content, even. Then I got back home, and changed back into my comfortable, warm trackies and hoodie and had a little snooze on the couch, nana nap style. But since I woke up a few hours ago, my mood has been so low. Sometimes I wonder if the Shrink who diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder years ago was right, given how quickly my moods cycle. I can feel fine one minute and want to die the next. It’s a really confusing way to live. I can never count on how I’m going to feel or the mood I’m going to be in, which is part of the reason I have such trouble making plans. It’s probably worth bringing up with my current Shrink, just in case he decides to explore it more and take it into account when he’s changing my meds. I see him on Wednesday, where I think we’ll discuss an admission into hospital. He wants to take me off my current antidepressants and change them out for some MAOI’s that are out of the ark. I’m hoping instead, he can find something to augment the Anafranil I currently take so I can remain on it. The combination between antipsychotics and Anafranil have been a lifesaver for me, but unfortunately, even though my OCD symptoms are the most under control since I was diagnosed, my Depression has just taken a huge nose dive into darkness. I’m hoping he can just add something to the mix to help the Depression. I’ll try anything that will help pull me out of this rut, ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) included, which I’ve been thinking about. I’d need an admission for that too. At least 4 weeks, because they do them every other day, Monday, Wednesday and Fridays and they like to do at least 12 sessions. Then it’s a matter of going back in for brain maintenance. I’ve heard lots of mixed reviews about it to be honest. For some, it’s helped them tremendously with their mood, and they haven’t had too many issues with memory loss. Other people I’ve spoken to have lost entire months of their lives and other important memories and it hasn’t helped their depression at all. So, with such mixed reviews it’s been something I’ve thought of but cautiously. Perhaps it would be an alternative to changing my medication. But damned if four weeks isn’t a long stay in hospital, Anyway, stuff to talk over with my shrink. Earlier I’d been thinking about calling Lifeline, but I think writing here has helped, and instead i’ll just try to get some sleep.